Marriage on the cards…?

So how do you know when a marriage is not on the cards?

A week into the relationship?

6 months ? One year?

The easiest thing is to talk about it.

From where I am standing marriage is this heavenly place that I am just not qualified or worthy to get into.

From where I am standing marriage is this status that I just cannot achieve .

Marriage appears to be the thing that I want most in the world, that I just cannot have.

Marriage consumes my thoughts night and day.

It appears that all my friends and peers are married and happy.

I sometimes wonder what I really want- to be married per se or to be married to somebody I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.

What is driving this unending obsession?

Society? From where I am standing marriage to me appears to be the pinnacle of respectability and stability. It’s what people do, who are stable and committed. It is not entered into lightly and it is cherished and valued.

Parents? At this stage in my life – rolling towards forty – I am under immense pressure to settle down. There is no conversation that goes by without a mention of me ‘doing the right thing’ before it is too late.

Personal anxiety? A year into a new relationship – I am wondering where it is all going. Marriage has been discussed but no conclusions come to!

I have made up my mind that I would like to be married to this lovely person but I am not sure the feeling is mutual. I am not sure if I am being realistic.

I am not sure I want to call an ultimatum and say ‘MARRIAGE OR ELSE’

I know what the answer will be…

I wonder if I should be patient and wait.

But what I am waiting for?

How long do I wait?

Why should I be subject to somebody else’s whims and whats?

Can I be in a long-term relationship with somebody that I love and adore but not be married to them?

Should I leave and look for somebody else – try and fall in love again, get married but always know that it was a second choice.

What would be the point in that? What would I have achieved?

Am I prepared to walk away from something good and be single because I cannot be married?

Is being single that bad?

I am meant to be a bold 21st century woman, who is able to ask for what she wants and moves on if it does not happen.

So I wonder why it is that I am writing about wanting to be married instead of planning a wedding and setting the foundation for a lifelong marriage?

If I cannot have that conversation with the person I am in a relationship with – perhaps I am not mature enough to be in a relationship called marriage?